I disagree that she fell in love on line. Alexis wasn't in love with Craig when she was chatting with him, helping with his relationship problems, and getting to know him on a deep intellectual and emotional basis. She was connecting with him. This was a guy that gave her all of the things she lacked from men and groups of friends at Lehigh. Her interests and longing for communication were met by this guy who was willing to chat with her for hours on end all the time. They were learning about each other, cultivating a relationship that would, lead to love. But it wasn't love yet.
No one can define love, but I'm making this argument off of a perception of love that I have...so there may be a number of you out there who disagree with me based off of your own understanding of this elusive part of our lives. I think love involves trust and level of selflessness that is reflected in the way you would do something for that person without hesitation no matter the outcome. Alexis wouldn't have done that for Craig prior to meeting him. She had to confirm he was who he said he was. She had to confirm that the physical attraction was as powerful as the emotional attraction. She had to confirm her connection to him.
And then there was love.
Maxie, I'm sorry I haven't yet posted my thoughts on relationships. But I would disagree with you here since I think there are many kinds of love, including the erotic and companionate dimensions revealed in the run-up to Alexis meeting Craig face to face. Agreed that your cultural definition of love is as you described, having to do with commitment, obligation, etc. But perhaps if we see love as developing through stages and its nature changing as people get to know each other better and interact with each other more, then we can see that what Alexis is feeling is love of a certain kind. Yes?
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with your statement that "love involves trust and level of selflessness that is reflected in the way you would do something for that person without hesitation no matter the outcome." BUUUUT at the same time, I have to agree with Dr. Bob, don't be mad--you're still my best friend. I have to agree with him because I also see love as developing through stages. That is just absolutely true! I don't think we wake up one day and say, "Man, I think I love him!" I think in Alexis' case she could have easily loved Craig as a friend or may have even fallen in love with him after all their hours communicating with each other online. I think that even if she did fall in love with him online, you are absolutely correct in the idea that Alexis had to confirm her connection to him by seeing him. I think she had to confirm her connection to him in order to BE with him...date him, ya know? There is no doubt that her love for him was stronger when she could physically love him.
ReplyDeleteOH and to address your question, "butttt doesn't it suck how she feels like she has to lie to her friends about who this guy was and how she was meeting him?" Can we both agree that I was absolutely not jumping for joy at the thought of telling people I was dating someone who "found me" on MySpace? I guess for me at first it was sort of embarrassing! I mean, here we are, in college, with ALLLLL these opportunities to meet people, yet I found my boyfriend on the internet? (I hope you can sense my sarcasm about the opportunities..lol) But yeah, it does SUCK that she had to lie, but I can definitely relate. Not all of us can meet someone in a bar or at a club and feel some sort of connection to them. I feel like that's what maybe is missing these days. Everyone is so quick to jump to the idea of "hooking up" with someone, that they don't even spend the time getting to know them! I bet virtually hooking up just isn't nearly as cool as the real thing---takes some smooth talking online to get someone to that point though! So AMEN to all those online smooth talkers that get girls like me to settle down :) Love you, hehe!
ReplyDeletePS. Btw, wore the earrings you bought me out on Saturday night, they looked AWESOME... unfortunately..one went missing :(
Hey Maxie,
ReplyDeleteI have to respectfully disagree with you also. If love can't be defined, who are we to say Alexis wasn't in love?
Do you think the same result would have occurred if Alexis and Craig hadn't been physically attracted to each other? I talked about this on my post- check it out.
Good work!